Another day without no pay

The ex is up to his old tricks again. He sent me what was supposed to be our last agreement so I could sign and get this damn divorce over with. Well, there's no way I'm signing it because to begin with he still wants to give me the house but now he wants me to pay the realtor fees he owes for listing the house for about the past 6 months and he wants me to pay the taxes (which I agreed to) and the homeowners insurance. This would be sorta okay with me if he was planning on paying me the back owed child support he hasn't paid a dime of because by the time the divorce closes it would be at least 6grand. Now he wants me to agree to not go after the back owed and although he hasn't paid the utilities in so long that I had to put them in my name to avoid shutoff, he wants me to lower the child support payments to help him out. IS THE MAN INSANE?! He doesn't want me to go after the business we built together, the 18 or so vehicles he's admitted to owning or the rental properties he still has and he only wants to give me 3grand with the signing of the divorce. Then there's the lesser issue of the dvd collection we started years ago that he's been stealing from left and right every time I left for the house to be shown by the realtors. He agreed that he'd give back what he took but how the hell am I supposed to know exactly what he took out of over 1,000 dvd's? I could always go to the log we kept of them in the pc upstairs but it's tedious work comparing what we had to what we now have since they're no longer in order AND there were many new dvd's we added since our seperation which were never logged. What a shmuck!!!
To top it all off, Dave is still here. It's going on a year with no job and he'd rather spend all of his time sneaking food, sleeping, watching tv (that he agreed to pay the bill for but now owes over $500 that he has no idea where he's getting) and complaining about how many things we should change about the way we live so that he feels better about being here. Am I crazy or what lol?
I do love him and I know I let him stay this long because I was afraid to "do it alone" but at this point I AM doing it alone and supporting him along the way. He really pissed me the other day when I went off about him eating more food than anyone here and eating all of something I buy that he really likes before I even get to try any. He argued that since I get foodstamps it's technically free for me so I should tell him to "eat up". I don't know how it's free when I only get it because I have three kids to support and I may have to pay some of the $ back to the state when I finally get child support! Then there's my complaint that if he can't be emotionally or financially supportive for me right now with the crap I'm going through, it's REALLY frustrating for me to know I'm supporting him and he can't even be here for my physical needs anymore! Yup, you read right. He gives me every excuse from him getting older, not getting enough sleep, being hungry, his meds (that he stopped taking b.t.w.) affecting him negatively and my most recent favorite "you don't even dress up to try to turn me on". Talk about being frustrated in every sense of the word lol!

On and on...

This past weekend Jay threw a 1st birthday party for the baby that he is claiming as his with his new woman. He called me to ask if he could pick Kaanja up for it. How nice lol. It's funny how someone who never wanted kids to begin with, was never a father to the kids he had with me and even went so far as to beg me time and time again to abort Kaanja is now "father of the year" to that baby. I am convinced it's probably not even his but that's his problem. Too bad I can't use infidelity in my divorce (they don't count it in divorce where I live just as I can't use a court appointed attorney OR represent myself lol) because that kid alone could prove it besides the fact that he'd been living with her since we seperated or as they say "he abandoned his family" lol.
The girl has 4 kids under 5 from different guys and it's killing me to know he's taking care of them while his "real" family suffers in the background. When we first seperated we sat out back and agreed to split our "marital assets" on paper to be drawn up by his lawyer for me to sign. I think he assumed that since he left me with nothing and emptied our joint bank account, I wouldn't be able to get a lawyer and would have to agree to anything he said. I was supposed to get the house, a few vehicles and pretty much everything in the house and on the property besides a few odds and ends like his clothes and stuff he left here. I since found out that he owned 4 properties, at least 18 vehicles (some of which are classics), 2 businesses and at least half a mil in cash that he hid. I got a loan from a friend to get a lawyer retained and the battle began. Once Jay realized I had a lawyer he really got nasty and even with everything he owns in writing, his proposals ended up "letting" me keep half of the proceeds from the sale of this house (which he knew I wanted to keep since the beginning and as bad as the market is now he said he'd lower the price as much as he had to just to sell), one of his properties which is half the size of this house and only worth about $100,000.00, about $15,000.00 cash, a truck and most of the stuff in the house which he's been slowly depleting by the month. Our DVD collection is almost gone (he takes a bunch every time I'm gone for a showing of the house) and he said he wants half of what's left. That's just the gist of my beat deal. He's since then again agreed that I could have the house and keep the DVD's and most of the stuff that's here and $3,000.00 cash. Now this week he said once again that he wants to sell the house. I don't know what's gonna happen now because my retainer ran out sometime last month so I don't even have him to help me with any "wiggle room" I may have at this time. What's worse is that I filed for child support back in November and he owes me around 5k now because he's yet to pay me a penny. So now I'm way past broke, never know when I will or won't have internet and on top of it all I have to worry/wonder when Jay is gonna drop me from his plan so that I won't even have a phone. Life is grand huh?

So here we go again

Yeah, it's been a while again lol. You have NO idea how much has happened since my last post so I'll do my best to get you caught up if you're interested.
Kaanja is still growing like a weed and doing well although she still gives me trouble with going to bed sometimes but I think that has a lot to do with her staying with daddy every other weekend and having her schedule thrown off. Yes, I said "staying with daddy". You see, the main reason I haven't been updating my blog is that as I (and many of you who had been following my blog) suspected even before I found out I was pregnant, my soon to be ex Jay was cheating on me for quite some time. I foolishly tried to make him see the err in his ways and make things right but a cheat is a cheat and we're both finaly moving on. Well, that's just the beginning but I'm gonna leave you hangin' for now while I figure out where the heck that dang popup is coming from and get rid of it! I'll leave you for now with this newer pic of Kaanja and my new man, Dave. :D

Wow! Been a while huh?

Been about 3 months since I've posted to be exact lol! Things are going a bit smoother now but boy it was a rough ride in the beginning weeks!

For starters, I wasn't as scared as I thought I'd be when I was being escorted into the operating room but once they started my spinal the fright set in. It was a totally different experience going through that while NOT in pain! I felt the needle pressure in my spine and could tell they pulled out and tried another spot after the first didn't work. It sure worked faster than the usual epidural they give you while in labor. My feet and legs up to my knees got hot and numb almost immediately. It was the rest that took a while. As they strapped my arms to the table (which looked like a cross) and began to prep my stomach I was worried because I felt everything! Then they let Jay in, and started pinching my stomach with the clamps to see how numb I was I freaked because I could feel it well! I told my Dr. I still felt it and they started lowering the head of the bed and waited a little bit. When she tried again I was really beginning to worry because I could still feel it even after they lowered the bed and waited a few more times! I felt like my head was almost on the floor and it felt hard to breath, all the while I had visions in my mind of those horror stories of people waking during surgery and feeling everything but not being able to do anything about it lol! Dr. asked if it was a painful pinch and I told her that I could feel it but it didn't hurt so she said she was going to start. I felt them cutting and everything else...it just didn't hurt...talk about creepy eeeeew! Once they cut into my uterus and started moving the baby to get her out I felt like I couldn't breath so they gave me oxygen and told me to pant/breathe as if I was in actual labor. It helped and within minutes they said they had her out but she wasn't crying so I freaked. It seemed like minutes went by before I heard her wail out a huge cry which made me and Jay cry with relief, then joy. Later I found out that the cord was wrapped around her neck 3 times which is why we didn't hear her cry for so long and had she been born vaginally she would have been brain damaged or wouldn't have survived at all!!! Talk about a close call!!!

So anyway, my mom and sister came to visit with the kids and John and Lisa did too. It was great to have them finally see her since they meant so much to me and did so much for us while I was pregnant! I didn't get cards or flowers or anything else for that matter but I could have cared-a-less. I had my perfect baby who I expected to have all sorts of problems after everything we went through during my pregnancy! I DID manage to make Jay feel guilty though so he got me a $300 bottle of champagne that I'm saving for Newyears lol. I can't drink now anyway since I'm breastfeeding so it's just a very nice box to look at 'till then hehe.

After coming home I really missed being in the hospital lol! They were soooooo nice at the Hazleton General and the place was gorgeous! I swear if you're anywhere near there having a baby, you'll regret it if you go elsewhere! I took about a 40 minute drive there just because it was so worth it! I really miss all of the help and reassurance they gave me! The one thing I regret is that they don't give you a pacifier there and I recall getting one while in the hospital for my other two kids. I think for this reason she don't want anything to do with the 7 or 8 different kinds I've had Jay go out and get up to now lol! Trust me, I know the pros and cons of giving one and at this point there are more cons in my case but she just won't do anything more than chew on them and then get pissed and spit it out. Sometimes I just need a break and sometimes

she just wants something to suck on so if she had taken one from the beginning I wouldn't have gotten so sore but that's another story lol.

Anyway, she's here, she's beautiful and she's growing like a weed! She babbles and coos at me like a pro and she's been trying to hold her heavy noggin' up since the first week so I have a feeling she's older than we thought lol. I'll try to update here more often but I have a feeling with her eating hourly still I'll only have time to update pics and post a few words here and there lol...we'll see ;)